Don't Compare Yourslef to Others

Don't Compare Yourslef to Others

(Your competition is with yourself)

Comparing ourselves with others creates a fake sense of being, and curbs our uniqueness and individuality. There are numerous other reasons why a constant comparison with others is a bad idea.

“Comparison is the thief of joy” Theodore Roosevelt

Comparing ourselves with others comes naturally to a lot of us. It is a trait that we develop early on in our lives. Remember how our teachers used to portray the head boy/girl as the role model for all of us. We were expected to be like them. Even at home, comparisons with siblings were inevitable. The burden of expectations always bordered upon how you fared with the best performer of the team. And in case, you were the best performer, the comparison with others only created an impression of strength and superiority.

The fact that many of us indulge in comparing our life, social status, appearance, wealth, etc., with others, is symptomatic of a deep-rooted desire to be accepted by others. When we put ourselves against others, we measure our strengths and weaknesses with them. The reason comparisons don't work out is because no two people are similar. While one might be good at making money, another might be good at making friends. The point we are trying to drive home here, is that comparison between two individuals, who may appear to be equal due to the roles they play in their family or society, only creates the feeling of frustration, self-pity, low self-worth, and envy. There are other reasons why comparison with others should be avoided at all costs.

Why Comparing Ourselves with Others is Futile

Comparison creates dependency on others.

When we indulge in comparison, the way we think about ourselves becomes dependent upon how we perceive others around us. If we are doing better than A, we get an emotional boost, but as soon as we know about B's affluence, we pity ourselves for not being able to achieve much in life. Comparisons with others only create a fake sense of being, and we find ourselves trying to keep up with others at all costs.

Comparison pushes us to be 'at par' with others.

Comparing ourselves with others takes away our individuality. It forces us to do things that we ideally don't want to do.

When we engage in the game of comparison, it becomes difficult for us to think pragmatically. We are blinded by the expectations of being 'at par' with our competitors. The urge of having the same set of luxuries that others can afford, engulfs us, curbing our real qualities. We endlessly compare ourselves to our neighbors and relatives, and base our decisions on gaining a positive perception from them.

Comparison causes envy and jealousy.

Comparison is one of the major reasons for creating envy and jealousy among people. For example, it often happens that the moment we come to know that a peer or a relative has bought a new car, a feeling of envy masked by condescension overpowers us. Instead of being happy for them, we criticize their decision, and make up our mind that they have given in to imprudence, and are doomed to fail. We start making assumptions about how could they possibly afford it, convincing ourselves at the same time that they will soon be under debts. In reality, the perception that the friend will now get more respect and approval from others, pesters us from inside and creates a sense of being less-worthy from him. We constantly battle against ourselves, and look for ways to beat him in this perceived competition.

Comparison limits our potential.

When we compare ourselves with others, we subconsciously place limits on what we can possibly achieve. It results in the creation of a mental block, which prevents us from giving our 100%. For example, if X holds the university record of running a mile in 4 minutes, Y's entire focus will be on doing it under 4 minutes. By comparing himself with X, Y places a limitation on himself. If Y just competes against himself, and develops his skills over a period of time, he will be able to give his best shot, without constantly focusing on X's record. The important thing to remember is that we shouldn't base our targets on what others are able to achieve. We don't know their strengths and weaknesses thoroughly, but we do know ours, so it is prudent to make the best use of that.

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Be yourself.

The first thing to do to stay away from the mire of comparisons is to love yourself for who you are. You may think that you are not perfect, but that is what makes us humans different from each other. As Oscar Wilde famously put it, "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." Accepting yourself with all your flaws is pertinent if you really want to experience inner peace and calmness. Being content with what you have doesn't mean that you stay in a cocoon, and shy away from taking any steps to improve your skills. What it means is that you set realistic targets for yourself, and work towards achieving them.

Realize that constant comparison is a bad habit.

The problem with constant comparison is that it is ingrained in us from a pretty young age, and therefore, we indulge in comparisons subconsciously. Ask a group of people whether they compare themselves to others, you will not get too many affirmations. When we do something far too often, without knowing its repercussions, we fail to see it as a vice. Therefore, to extricate ourselves from the web of unnecessary comparisons, we need to be aware of what we are doing. Any time you feel that you are trying to measure up to somebody, engage in self-talk, and convince yourself that this whole idea can be noxious for you. Constantly look out for such behavior, and dissociate your mind from such feelings. Over a period of time, you will see that the urge to always compare yourself with others has gone down.

Appreciate the efforts of your peers.

Try to appreciate the people you always compare yourself with. Criticizing them behind their backs may make you feel good for some time, but if you look at it pragmatically, you end up achieving nothing out of it. Instead, you can bring about a positive change in your attitude by commending the virtues of your friends, colleagues, and relatives.

Many of us view life as a competition, where you always have to fight to survive, but we should keep in mind that life is also a journey of finding our inner-self, and discovering the true potential that is inherently present in all of us. Once we focus on our individual journey, all comparisons with others cease to exist.

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आपल्या जीवनातील गुरुंचे महत्त्व जाणून गुरुपौर्णिमा साजरी करूया !

गुरुपौर्णिमा

 

         आषाढ पौर्णिमा म्हणजेच गुरुपौर्णिमा ! साधना करणार्‍यांचा वर्षातील महत्त्वाचा उत्सव. गुरूंच्या प्रती कृतज्ञता व्यक्त करण्याचा दिवस ! भारतीय संस्कृतीमध्ये गुरु-शिष्य परंपरेची जोपासना झालेली आहे. किंबहुना ही परंपरा म्हणजे भारतीय संस्कृतीचे भूषण आहे. ‘गुरूंची महती’ हेच त्यातील मर्म आहे.

         शिष्याने कोणती साधना करावी ते गुरु जाणतात. त्याला नुसती साधना सांगून ते थांबत नाहीत, तर त्याच्याकडून साधना करवून घेतात. हेच गुरूंचे खरे शिकवणे असते. गुरूंचे लक्ष शिष्याच्या ऐहिक सुखाकडे नसते, कारण ते प्रारब्धानुसार असते. गुरूंचे लक्ष फक्त शिष्याच्या आध्यात्मिक उन्नतीकडे असते. श्री शंकराचार्यांनी म्हटले आहे, ‘‘ज्ञानदान करणार्‍या सद्गुरूंना शोभेल अशी उपमा या त्रिभुवनात कोठेही नाही. त्यांना परिसाची उपमा दिली, तरी तीही अपुरी पडेल; कारण परीस लोखंडास सुवर्णत्व देत असला, तरीही त्याचे परीसत्व देऊ शकत नाही.’’ गुरूंची महती वर्णन करायला शिष्याला शब्द अपुरे पडतात. गुरु आतही आहेत आणि बाहेरही आहेत. तुम्ही अंतर्मुख व्हावे, अशी परिस्थिती गुरु निर्माण करतात.

         तुम्हाला आत्म्याकडे म्हणजेच ब्रह्माकडे ओढावे, म्हणून गुरु आतही म्हणजे हृदयात सिद्धता करत असतात. हिंदु संस्कृतीमध्ये गुरूंनी शिष्याकरवी करून घेतलेले कार्य अनेक उदाहरणांद्वारे वर्णन करता येते. आर्य चाणक्य आणि चंद्रगुप्त मौर्य, रामदासस्वामी आणि छत्रपती शिवाजी महाराज, रामकृष्ण परमहंस आणि स्वामी विवेकानंद या गुरु-शिष्य जोड्या आणि त्यांचे अद्वितीय कार्य आज जगाला परिचित आहे. या सगळ्या उदाहरणांमधून अधर्माच्या विरोधात लढण्याचा श्रीकृष्णाने अर्जुनाला केलेला उपदेश सर्वत्र पोहोचतो. विद्यमान काळातील अधर्माचरणी राजकीय वातावरण लक्षात घेता गुरु-शिष्य नात्याची प्रचीती आणि त्यातून धर्माचरणी राज्यस्थापनेची मुहूर्तमेढ पहायला मिळावी, ही गुरुपौर्णिमेच्या शुभदिनी अपेक्षा !

मुलांनो, आपल्या जीवनातील गुरूंचे महत्त्व जाणा !

आपल्या जीवनातील गुरूंचे महत्व !

भारत देशाचे वैशिष्ट्य म्हणजे गुरु-शिष्य परंपरा ! : ‘विद्यार्थी मित्रांनो, आज आपण गुरुपौर्णिमा या सणाच्या निमित्ताने आपल्या जीवनात गुरूंचे महत्त्व कसे आहे, हे समजून घेऊया.

 

१. गुरूंचे महत्त्व आणि ‘गुरु’ शब्दाचा अर्थ

         आपल्या देशाचे वैशिष्ट्य म्हणजे गुरु-शिष्य परंपरा. गुरुच आपणाला अज्ञानातून बाहेर काढतात. शिक्षक हे आपले गुरुच आहेत. त्यामुळे आपण गुरुपौर्णिमेच्याच दिवशी ‘शिक्षकदिन’ साजरा करून त्यांच्या चरणी कृतज्ञता व्यक्त करायला हवी. प्रथम आपण ‘गुरु’ या शब्दाचा अर्थ समजून घेऊया. ‘गु’ म्हणजे अंधकार आणि ‘रु’ म्हणजे नाहीसा करणे.’ गुरु आपल्या जीवनातील विकारांचे अज्ञान दूर करून आनंदी जीवन कसे जगावे, ते आपल्याला शिकवतात.

 

२. मनुष्याच्या जीवनातील तीन गुरु !

२ अ. आपल्यावर निरनिराळे संस्कार करून आपल्याला समाजाशी एकरूप व्हायला शिकवणारे आई-वडील हे आपले पहिले गुरु !

पालक

         बालपणात आई-वडील आपल्याला प्रत्येक गोष्ट शिकवतात. योग्य काय आणि अयोग्य काय, याची जाणीव करून देतात. तसेच चांगल्या सवयी लावतात, उदा.

१. सकाळी लवकर उठावे, भूमीला वंदन करावे, ‘कराग्रे वसते लक्ष्मी’ हा श्लोक म्हणावा.

२. मोठ्यांना नमस्कार का आणि कसा करावा.

३. सायंकाळी ‘शुभंकरोती’ म्हणावे, दिवा लावावा; कारण दिवा हा अंधकार नष्ट करतो.

४. आपण आपल्या मित्रांना भेटल्यावर नमस्कार करावा; कारण प्रत्येक व्यक्तीमध्ये देव आहे

.

५. तसेच आपल्या घरी कोणी पाहुणे आले की, त्यांचे देवासमान स्वागत करावे.

         अशा सर्व गोष्टी आई-वडील आपल्याला सांगतात, म्हणजे आपले पहिले गुरु आई-वडील आहेत; म्हणून आपण त्यांचा आदर करायला हवा आणि प्रतिदिन त्यांना नमस्कार करायला हवा. आता सांगा, तुमच्यापैकी किती मुले आपल्या आई-वडिलांना प्रतिदिन नमस्कार करतात ? आज आपण निश्चय करूया, ‘आई-वडिलांना प्रतिदिन नमस्कार करणार.’ हीच त्यांच्याप्रतीची खरी कृतज्ञता आहे.

२ आ. आपल्याला अनेक गोष्टी शिकवून सर्वांगाने परिपूर्ण करणारे शिक्षक, हेच आपले दुसरे गुरु :

शिक्षक

         खरेतर आपण शिक्षकदिन गुरुपौर्णिमेला साजरा करून या दिवशी त्यांना भावपूर्ण नमस्कार करून त्यांचा आशीर्वाद घ्यायला हवा. गुरु म्हणजे आपले शिक्षक आणि शिष्य म्हणजे आपण असतो; म्हणून आपण शिक्षकदिन याच दिवशी साजरा करायला हवा.

         शिक्षक आपल्याला अनेक विषयांचे ज्ञान देतात. ते इतिहास शिकवतात. त्यातून ते आपल्यातील राष्ट्राभिमान जागृत करतात. आपण आपल्यासाठी जगायचे नसते, तर राष्ट्रासाठी जगायचे असते, हा व्यापक विचार आपल्याला देतात. भगतसिंग, राजगुरु, सुखदेव इत्यादी क्रांतीकारकांनी राष्ट्रासाठी प्राणार्पण केले, त्याप्रमाणे आपण त्याग करायला हवा. ‘त्याग हा आपल्या जीवनाचा पाया आहे’, हे आपल्याला शिक्षक सांगतात. त्यागी मुलेच राष्ट्राचे रक्षण करू शकतात. इतिहासातून आपले आदर्श ठरतात, उदा. छत्रपती शिवाजी महाराज, स्वा. सावरकर हेच आपले खरे आदर्श आहेत. त्यांच्याप्रमाणे आपण त्यागी असायला हवे.

२ इ. निरनिराळे विषय निःस्वार्थीपणे शिकवून आपल्याला प्रगतीपथावर नेणारे आपले शिक्षक ! : शिक्षक आपल्याला मराठी भाषा शिकवतात. त्यामधून ते आपल्यामध्ये मातृभाषेचा अभिमान जागृत करतात आणि रामायण, महाभारत, दासबोध अशा ग्रंथांचा अभ्यास करण्याची आवडही निर्माण करतात. यातून ते आपल्याला आपल्या संतांची ओळख करून देतात आणि ‘त्यांच्यासारखे आपण घडावे’, यासाठी प्रयत्न करतात. तसेच ते आपल्याला समाजशास्त्र, अर्थशास्त्र यांसारखे विषयही शिकवतात. यातून आपण ज्या समाजात रहातो, त्या समाजाचे ऋण आपल्यावर असते, याची जाणीव शिक्षक आपल्याला करून देतात. अर्थशास्त्रातून योग्य मार्गाने (धर्माने) पैसा मिळवावा आणि अयोग्य मार्गाने (अधर्माने) पैसा मिळवू नये, हे शिकवतात. नाहीतर आज आपण पहातो आहोत की, सारा देश भ्रष्टाचाराने ग्रासला आहे. हे सर्व आपण पालटावे, असेच शिक्षकांना वाटते.

२ ई. अशा महान शिक्षकांप्रती कृतज्ञता व्यक्त करण्याचा दिवस म्हणजे गुरुपौर्णिमा ! : तेव्हा विद्यार्थी मित्रांनो, आपल्या लक्षात आले असेल, ‘शिक्षक आपल्याला जीवनातील अनेक मूल्ये शिकवतात आणि ती कृतीत यावीत, यासाठी आवश्यक त्या वेळी शिक्षासुद्धा करतात. त्यामागे आपण आदर्श जीवन जगावे, असा त्यांचा शुद्ध हेतू असतो.’ काही मुले शिक्षकांची चेष्टा करतात, हे पाप आहे. आपण या दिवशी त्यांची क्षमा मागून त्यांच्याप्रती आज कृतज्ञता व्यक्त करायला हवी.

 

३. आध्यात्मिक गुरु

आध्यात्मिक गुरु

३ अ. आध्यात्मिक गुरूंनी आपल्याला जीवनाचा खरा अर्थ  विषद  करणे : आतापर्यंत आपण या भौतिक जगासंदर्भात मार्गदर्शन करणारे गुरु पाहिले. आता आपण आध्यात्मिक गुरु कसे असतात, ते पाहूया. तिसरे गुरु म्हणजे आध्यात्मिक गुरु ! प्रत्येक व्यक्तीच्या जीवनात गुरु येतात. जसे श्रीकृष्ण-अर्जुन, श्री रामकृष्ण परमहंस-स्वामी विवेकानंद, समर्थ रामदासस्वामी-शिवाजी महाराज अशी गुरु-शिष्य परंपरा हे आपल्या देशाचे वैशिष्ट्य आहे.

         आध्यात्मिक गुरु आपल्याला आपली खरी ओळख करून देतात. आपल्याला अज्ञानामुळे असे वाटते की, मी एक व्यक्तीr आहे; पण खरे पहाता आपण व्यक्ती नसून आत्मा आहोत, म्हणजे देवच आपल्यात राहून प्रत्येक कृती करतो; पण अहंकाररूपी अज्ञानामुळे आपल्याला वाटते, ‘आपण प्रत्येक कृती करतो.’ समजा, आत्मा आपल्यापासून वेगळा केला, तर आपण काही करू शकू का ? तेव्हा देवच सर्व करतो. तो अन्न पचवतो, तोच रक्त बनवतो, याची तीव्र जाणीव गुरु आपल्याला करून देतात.

३ आ. आनंदी होण्याचा सोपा मार्ग, म्हणजे आपल्या हातून घडणार्‍या चुकांच्या मुळाशी असलेले दोष शोधून ते घालवण्यासाठी प्रयत्न करणे : अहंकारामुळे व्यक्ती स्वतःला देवापासून वेगळी समजते आणि जीवनात सतत दुःखी रहाते. तेव्हा आपल्या जीवनात जर आध्यात्मिक गुरु यायला हवेत, तर आपण आपल्या जीवनाला प्रार्थना, कृतज्ञता आणि नामजप यांची जोड द्यायला हवी. आपण कोणतेही काम हातात घेतले की, प्रथम कृतज्ञता व्यक्त करावी. तसेच ती कृती चांगली व्हावी; म्हणून प्रार्थना करावी. आपल्यावर गुरूंची कृपा व्हावी; म्हणून प्रतिदिन आपल्या हातून घडणार्‍या चुकांची नोंद करावी आणि त्यामागील दोष शोधावा. यामुळे आपले दोष लवकर जातील आणि आपल्यात देवाचे गुण येतील अन् आपण आनंदी होऊ.

         आता आपण देवाच्या चरणी कृतज्ञता व्यक्त करूया आणि आपल्याला समजलेली सर्र्व सूत्रे आमच्या कृतीत येऊ देत, अशी प्रार्थना करूया.’

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Ashadi Ekadasi=Pundalik Varade Hari Vithal !

 

Today is Ashadi Ekadasi or Shyani Ekadashi. Shirdi Majhe Pandarpura Sai Baba Ramavara. (Shirdi is my Pandarpur and Sai Baba is the presiding diety) is one of the arati sung in Shirdi. Sai Baba also respected Vitthoba a lot. Das Ganu wanted to go to Pandarpur on a pilgrimage and Baba dissuaded and said Shirdi is Pandarpur. There are many instances in Sai Satcharitra where mention of Pandarpur is made.

Pilgrims and devotees of Lord Vitthal known as Warkari will gather at Pandarpur. Lord Vishnu or Vitthal will take rest beginning today for nearly 4 months ending on Kartick Ekadashi (in November) or Devathuni Ekadashi. Pilgrims or Warkari begin their journey on foot from Alandi on Jyestha Krishnapaksh (10th June) and terminate their Padayatra on Ashadi Ekadasi Skula Ekadashi (July) at Pandarpur. On their journey they pass through Shirdi and after taking Sai’s blessing continue their onward yatra or wari. 
Chapter 4 of Sai Satcharitra gives us enough information that Sainath is Lord Pandarinath. Chapter 7 of Sai Satcharitra tells us about Nana Saheb Chandorkar. He got an order for transfer to Pandarpur. His devotion to Sai Baba bore fruit, as he got an order to and stay at Pandarpur which is regarded as Bhuvaikunta – Heaven on earth. He wanted to give a surprise visit at Shirdi, his Pandarpur and salute his Vithobha (Baba) and then proceed further. Baba then said to Mhalsapthi and others saying “Let us all four do some Bhajan, the doors of Pandhari are open let us sing merrily”. The Song being “I have to go to Pandharpur and I have to stay on there, for it is the house of my Lord.”
Let us all imagine that we are at Pandarpur today mentally and enjoy the nectar of Vitthal and Sai Darshan. 

  

Shayani Ekadashi (lit. "sleeping eleventh") or Maha-ekadashi (lit. "The great eleventh") or Prathama-ekadashi (lit. "The first eleventh") or Padma Ekadashi is the eleventh lunar day (Ekadashi) of the bright fortnight (Shukla paksha) of theHindu month of Ashadha (June - July). Thus it is also known as Ashadhi Ekadashior Ashadhi.

This day, a huge yatra or religious procession of pilgrims known as Pandharpur Ashadi Ekadasi Waari Yatra [4]culminates at Pandharpur, in Solapur district in south Maharashtra, situated on the banks of the Bhima River. Pandharpur is main center of worship of the deity Vithoba, a local form of Vishnu. Thousands of pilgrims come to Pandharpur on this day from different parts of Maharashtra. Some of them carry Palkhis (palanquins) with the images of the saints of Maharashtra. Dnyaneshwar's image is carried from Alandi, Tukaram's from Dehu, Eknath's from Paithan,Nivruttinath's from Trimbakeshwar, Muktabai's from Muktainagar, Sopan's from Sasvad and Saint Gajanan Maharaj from Shegaon. These pilgrims are referred to as Warkaris. They sing Abhangas (chanting hymns) of Saint Tukaram and Saint Dnyaneshwar, dedicated to Vithoba.

As per the legend,Pundalik,was the devoted son of Janudev and Satyavati.After his marriage he ill treated them.Annoyed with his behaviour,the parents left for the pilgrimage to Kashi ,Varanasi etc.

Pundalik and his wife also joined them and continued with their harassment to them.Pundalik made his old parents walk while he and his young wife rode on a horse.On the way, they reached the hermitage of the sage, Kukkutswami. All of them being tired of journey,decided to rest for some days there itself.The next morning,just before the dawn,Pundalik saw a group of beautiful, young women dressed in dirty clothes who entered the hermitage.They cleaned the floor,washed the Sage’s clothes and did other such jobs.On finishing their jobs, they went to the prayer room and came out with spotlessly clean clothes and they disappeared.

Pundalik was very happy to see all this but thought he was dreaming.The next day when the incident was repeated,he talked to the women and asked curiously,'Who are you ?'They replied,'We are Ganga, Yamuna and all the holy rivers of India.People wipe away their sins by taking a bath in us.But you are a biggest sinner,because of the way you treat your parents.'

Pundalik was shaken with their statement.He realized his mistake and wanted to improve his ways.He soon started serving his parents well and looked after all their needs and comforts.

Lord Vishnu was extremely pleased by seeing Pundalik’s sincere devotion towards his parents.He left his abode,Vaikauntha-Lok, to bless Pundalik.Lord Vishnu came to Pundalik’s house and knocked his door.Pundalik was engrossed serving his parents and his devotion to his parents was so sincere that he wanted to finish his duties first and then attend to whoever was at the door.
 

Pundalik flung a brick(Vit) towards the door to offer a platform for the guest,to wait at the door.The Lord Vishnu was very much pleased with Pundalik's devotion to his parents and he waited for him on the brick.When came to know the fact,Pundalik apologised Lord Vishnu,for keeping him waiting,but the Lord instead offered him to get a boon to be fulfilled.

Pundalik soon requested him to remain on earth and bless all his devotees.His wish was granted and the Lord remained behind and is known as Vithoba(Lord who stands on a brick).This form of the Lord Vishnu is Swayambhu(came into existence on its own).He is always seen accompanied by his consort Rakhumai or Rukmini.

*In the scripture Bhavishyottara Purana,God narrated significance of Shayani Ekadashi to king Yudhisthira, as the creator-god Brahma did it to his son Narada.The story of king Mandata has reference to this.The country of king Mandata was struck by drought for three years,but the king could not to find a solution to come out of it and to please the rain god.

Later on,the sage Angiras advised the king Mandata to observe the 'Vrat' of Dev-shayani ekadashi.King Mandata followed his advise and on doing so Lord Vishnu was pleased and blessed king Mandata and there was rain in the kingdom and all were happy.

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Help your kid in making choices

Help your kid in making choices

Imagine that your 12-year old wants to buy a new pair of headphones. You might take the child to the nearest mall, go to a couple of shops and then buy one that the salesperson convinces you is "the best of 'em all". Now sample this: instead of going straight to the mall, you ask your child to do online research- narrow down on a couple depending on the budget and sound quality and then let him make a choice. And never mind if he ends up making the wrong choice.

Because even if he hasn't got the best money could buy, he would have used the necessary life skill of making a choice and taking responsibility for it. We don't encourage our kids to make as many choices as we ideally should. Either we take it away from them completely: "You have to study in the evening" or we let them have their way: "Mom, I cannot study in the evening!" Suppose we gave them choices: "You have the option of studying after returning from school, in the evening or before dinner.

Recommended Read: Worries of the new-age parent

What would you choose?" I'm sure it's quite obvious which approach will be most effective. Why? Because just the knowledge that we have choices fosters independence and a sense of empowerment. Research shows that children who are given choices from a very early age start taking ownership of their life earlier. On the other hand, children who are not given many choices end up blaming and holding others responsible for problems they face.

Building Response-Ability in your Children

Know what is negotiable and non-negotiable. We do not need to give children choices in areas which are a given. For example, you might give your child healthy choices for the meal planning for the week but you can't give her a choice about whether she goes to school or not.

Elicit rather than impose. Suppose your child resists homework time. If you impose that homework would be at 4 pm every day it might turn out to be a battleground. On the other hand, if you have a chat with him and then work out a time that is convenient for both, you might get him to cooperate. So questions like, "Out of these three time slots, which one works best for you?"; "Where would you like to sit and do it?"; "Which part would you like to start with?" might get him to make responsible choices and stick by them.

Help them visualise. Children can be shortsighted. So there may be times when you may like to help them visualise the possible implications of their choice. For example, if your child is trying to cut corners in a school project, say, "So if you do skip this bit of the project, what do you think it would look like? What would your teacher say/think? Would you be alright with that?"

Recommended Read: Bridging the gap with your teen

Support. Be there to guide him. If your child has done abysmally in an examination, for example, instead of getting angry, ask questions that may turn wrong choices into learning opportunities. "What do you think went wrong?" "Do you think you might want to prepare differently?" "How would you like me to help you?" As wise old Dumbledore put it, "It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."

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RAMNATH